Trial of Monstereo
Reports Message: 9/68 Crown Jewels Stolen! Posted Fr Aug 15 Author Galactic News The Galactic News logo flashes up on the screen and an alien newsreader pops up, all ten of his tentacled limbs clutching his notes. "This just in. During the spirit of intergalactic friendship, the Crown Jewels of the planet Nepsa have been stolen. Probably by /terrorists/. With us is the leader of the planet Nepsa, the Graff Vynda-K" The camera shifts to a large humanoid wearing furs and a large 70s moustache. "This is absolutely disgusting! I know many other planets have laid claim to our jewels, but they are ours! The clue is in the NAME!" He leans forwards, shaking a fist. "If my guards find out who stole them, then they will be locked in the yeti caves and flayed with whips made from bees!" He then looks to the newscaster. "I mean... whips of DEMOCRACY!" The newsreader coughs. "And now, in other news, the weather..." Autobot 'Seeker' Raptor says, "that is-- odd" Silverbolt says, "yeah it is. wonder who did it." Monstereo says, "1.2.3.not it!" Autobot 'Seeker' Raptor says, "I don't think any of us would want any jewels anyhow. The clue is in the NAME? what kinda clue is that-- might as well say Decepticons, hehe." Quickswitch says, "I don't understand why these things are so important." Silverbolt says, "Impulse? You on?" Autobot 'Seeker' Raptor says, "Don't you mean awake Bolts?" Silverbolt says, "close enough" Silverbolt says, "as for why those things are important, Quickswitch.....ever wonder why we have the Mausoleum?" Monstereo says, "Fellas... these caves... they lead into this niiiiice room with all this cool stuff that look like war spoils... Ooooh are those spider-silk curtains? Wow, someone really posh must squat here... Hey, there's a portra..." ~door slapping open and a voice saying 'Halt! You are under arrest!' -- "Holidaywhoobiewhatienow?" ~static crackle~" Autobot 'Seeker' Raptor says, "..great..." Intel XO Impulse says, "Hold on, Silverbolt. I'm not exactly in the best locale to be talking... and... oh Primus no..." Silverbolt can be heard hitting his head against a wall. "Slaggit all." Graff Vynda K's Private Room The private room of Nepsa's despotic ruler, this room is covered with some of the most precious items in the galaxy. Curtains made from the silk of the Queen Void Spider are draped across the walls, whilst the spoils of a thousand wars line the shelves, from the Nightmare Helm of Quasar II of Brieham, to the Mind-Flail of Kelmar the Terrible. Obvious exits: Out O leads to Nepsa Ski Chalet. Trapdoor T leads to Octagonal Alcove. Autobot 'Seeker' Raptor says, "So-- does this mean we get to get Monstereo out of the slammer?" Silverbolt sighs. "I don't really know, Raptor." Quickswitch says, "We gotta find out what's going on!" Quickswitch says, "The mausoleum can wait, sir." Yeti Grove Near the middle of the ski-slopes lies a grove, surrounded by a network of trees and ice-caves. This is obviously a much-used area - the snow is full of scuff marks, and the ground is littered with many objects. Scraps of wooly clothes and skis mingle with the chilling sight of bones, and a red cone that looks to be pulled from a plane. At the foot of the grove is a large wooden sign with a terrifying drawing of a yeti, and the legend: "Patrons are advised to avoid the Yeti Caverns during their Mating Season, which lasts 360 days a year." Contents: Catechism Blueshift Yeti Horde Obvious exits: Caves C leads to Yeti Caves. West W leads to Nepsa Ski Slopes. Ramjet has arrived. Silverbolt has arrived. Ultra Magnus has arrived. Justice! Justice for all! Justice for all who have weapons that is. In front of the Statue of the Hero are a gaggle of guards, all clad in their winter furs and carrying laser crossbows. The guard leader, Van Klinkerhoffen, salutes the statue before yelling to his subordinates: "BRING OUT THE ACCUSED!" Silverbolt stands off to the side and has his arms crossed. Monstereo is dragged out, tied down to a toboggen chair pulled and pushed by guards. The one at the front pulling the toboggen chair has a red nose... if you ask him, it's a bit of an infection from making snoosnoo with an alien olympic visitor. Monstereo has a half smile half frown curve to his mouthline. Catechism is just here to see the spectacle and help fill out the crowd. Seekers are very good for crowd-filling. She still aches from her combat matches, truth be told, but she hides it well. Van Klinkerhoffen takes out a scroll, and begins to read from it, pointing his reading stick at each word in turn. "AutoJunk Monster-Stereo! You are charged with breaking in to our glorious leader's private abode, and stealing the Nepsan Crown Jewels, which are ours and belong to the planet Nepsa. How do you plead?" Behind him, a guard stands holding up a lit sign that reads 'GUILTY!" Ramjet stands beside Catechism, arms folded over his expanse of smokey grey canopy. An optical ridge raised to feign some interest in the legal proceedings of a warm-blooded people. Then, the accused is named and suddenly, the Air Commander's brow raises. "Have I ever told you how much I hate.. legal proceedings?" he tells Catechism. There's a subtle hint here. Standing towards the back, as close as possible to Monstereo and the guards, Ultra Magnus watches on with a dour expression. His hands cross over his heavily armored chest as he allows optics to wander to the Junkion, and then to his accusor, an pensive frown crossing the large City Commander's metal lips. "Mmm. This looks like it's going to be trouble." Catechism glances sidelong at Ramjet, and she replies, "I do not believe that you have told me that, sir." Sighing, she prompts, "So, how much do you hate legal proceedings, sir?" Wasp nest? Kicked over? Check. Monstereo optic-light blink-blinkies. A soundbite plays. The voice of 'Christine Sullivan' says, "Tsk. Your honor... my client pleads not guilty." The Junkion doesn't bother correcting the clerical error of his name being mis spoken. He merely gives one of his arm restraints a brief tug to no avail. "..About as much as I hate sucking Earth birds into my intakes," mutters Ramjet with a lip-curling sneer. He keeps a hierarchy of the things he hates. Autobots rank around six. Quintessons come in at seven. Occupying his airspace is an eight. Sucking a bird hits nine. Ten.. you don't want to know what ten is. Lifting a finger up, he taps the tip against his metal 'bicep,' eliciting a light series of clinks. "How's your ammunition level?" "Justice!" Van Klinkerhoffen states, arching a brow at Monstereo's plea. "Justice is a long and sacred tradition on Nepsa. We worship justice as you would worship..." he looks at the Autobots "money and killing." Several guards step near the forest nervously, poking it with long sticks. There is a chittering noise. "Unlike such savage races as you, us Nepsans have used science to advance the field of justice, to ensure all crimes are dealt with equally and without bias. To ensure JUSTICE!" He raises a hand as the chittering growls louder. "IF the Ant-Lion eats you, you are innocent. If not, you are guilty!" From the forest comes what looks to be a six-legged lion, but with the gigantic head of an ant, that swings back and forth, heading for Monstereo! Silverbolt snorts. "That's convienent." Foxfire has arrived. Redshift arrives from the Nepsa Ski Slopes to the west. Redshift has arrived. Catechism shudders heavily, and she clearly isn't shivering from the cold. She hates birds in the intakes more than Ramjet knows. She snorts and replies, "I am topped off, sir. I always make sure of that." Catechism really does. She muses, "This ant-lion thing looks... disgusting. Worthy of the Junkion." Monstereo reflexively jumps in his restraint toboggen chair and declares, "SCIENCE!" He settles down again. "Ahem, sorry for the interruption. What was that? Aunt who?" He turns to the ruckus and blink-blinks. "Awwww... it's so kyoooooooot! Can I keep it? Oh no though, will it get along with my new spider? Oh look it's coming to say hi!" Slowly, Ultra Magnus' mouth opens, uncomprehending. He looks towards Van Klinkerhoffen, head tilting towards the side. He knows well enough about different customs of different worlds, but this -- "Your honor!" the Autobot XO suddenly speaks out, one hand resting on his metal hip as the other gestures pointedly at Klinkerhoffendoffenfldofmgsen. "You call this justice...?! Call that creature back, where is your evidence to sentence someone to death like this?" Moonracer has arrived. Black lips peel back in a sort of 'I-love-trouble' kind of grin. "Good," Ramjet sounds about as pleased as he can be. It isn't every day you get to show up your enemies and leave a big, bloody mess of things. His only regret is that he wears no sweet robe to obscure him until the big lead-up. "On my signal, unleash hell." "....!?!" a Nepsan nearby Ramjet turns to stare. "...?" Ramjet's optics flicker. He turns his cone to the side to spot the staring Nepsan. "Eh? Oh. Cybertron word. Means 'fun.'" He smiles. It's ugly and unconvincing. Redshift arrives just in time to see the mythical antlion OF JUSTICE emerges from the forest. He is occupying himself with a snow-cone of supercooled energony goodness! Blue raspberry flavour. "Huh, here's one for the scrapbook." The Ant-Lion chitters, wandering closer to Monstereo, its ant-eyes glowing red as its jaws agape. "Well... THAT!" says Van Klinkerhoffen in response to Magnus, pointing at the horrific monster. "Look man, its simple. If he lives, he is guilty, if he dies, he is innocent. What more do you want? Empirical proof?" The ant-lion rears up at Monstereo... and then places its head in his lap and purrs Silverbolt says, "talk about backwards Justice." Catechism tries to gently nudge Ramjet and whispers, "Ah, sir, Redshift missed the briefing." She is rather torn. On the one hand, she has direct and current orders from Ramjet. On the other hand, she has standing truce orders from Galvatron. Perhaps Catechism can make Hell look accidental. Monstereo smiles like a kawaii toon kid and click-chitters-purrs back. "Such a pretty one you are yes you are... Hmm can somebody reach into my pocket? I can't get at my stash of Scooby Snacks." One of the Ant-Lion's paws grabs at Monstereo's pocket, and its /head/ falls off, revealing that the ant head was just a crude helmet. Below, on the body of the six-legged lion, is the proportionally-sized head of the ant. It chitters hungrily. Van-Klinkerhoffen scratches his head and looks up. "Oooh Quickswotch guide us! I THINK that's a guilty?" He looks to his guards for advice "Did he?" Ramjet leans his cone back to steal a look at Redshift. It shakes, almost with disappointment. "At this rate, I'm going to frakkin' need some kind of ridiculous telepathic network to make sure you're all on the same page. Nnngh." Quickswitch has arrived. Catechism urges, "Sir, if we had BACN, we'd have, uh, our own personal Soundwave with wings! He could create a secure divisional channel for Aerospace, the way that some of the small groups have their own channels." It seems that Catechism is mad to get some BACN. Redshift shrugs to Ramjet, and offers, "Did you try the /radio/?" he says, taking another nibble of his snow cone. The perfect blend of Nepsan enviroment and Cybertronain fuel sources. "As a casual aside, Ramjet, I still have no idea what's going on." Monstereo manages to scritch the insectakitty with some of his fingers. "Aw you're a hungery aintcha?" The Junkion seems oblivious to the fact that this creature is supposed to be eatting him to prove his innocence and is consequently making him look guilty. "What's his name?" Several of the guards raise their energy crossbows as one in the direction of Monstereo and his new friend. "I... guess we shoot him now?" asks the guard captain to Van Klinkerhoffen. Van Klinkerhoffen nods. "Mmm and his immediate family..." His eyes move over to where Ramjet is standing. "That looks like his mum, I think. Yes, kill his mother too!" One of the guards storms over to Ramjet, holding up his crossbow with a 'git over 'ere' expression on his face. Another guard whispers "His name is Mr Bitey!" to Monstereo Monstereo practically gushes and fawns over the creature. "Mr Bitey is such a good boy or girl..." "I'm /aware/," Ramjet asserts far too confidently at Redshift. His cone shakes again and he then looks to Catechism. He scowls, "BACN, BACN, BACN! All I hear from you is BACN. Not 'Hello Ramjet.' or 'I have this brilliant plan to find you several smaller Transformers that combine into a massive cannon of devastating power. They'd be MINIature DeceptiCONs and we would call them Tinybots.' or 'I'd love to give you another cone-massage, Ramjet.' No. It's always BACN. BACN, BACN, BACN!" Jealousy thy name is someone else. Honest. He hmphs and turns his cone to the side, "If you want BACN so much, find a way we can have one without forcing me to get it done from the Chief. He's absolutely ridiculous these days." Suddenly, Ramjet is aware of a laser crossbow pointed at him. He sneers viciously at the Nepsan and on reflex, his fingers begin curling into his palm. "You? Point a weapon at me? Do you know who I /am/?" "He is a boy ant-lion. Such a strong, strapping chap!" opinines the guard proudly to Monstereo, as more crowd round him, raising their laser crossbows. The guard in front of Ramjet scowls. "I dunno" he mutters, looking at Ramjet's cone. "Are you some sort of WIZARD?" Catechism snorts and crosses her arms. If Ramjet is going to be so dismissive of her, when she gets her BACN, she just won't share any with him. So there. Catechism mutters, "Maybe I'll just get some civilian BACN so over-charged that he enlists." She seems to be entirely unperturbed that there are guns aimed at Ramjet. Hey, if he dies, she gets to fight Redshift in a deathmatch over the Air Commander slot, and while deathmatches may be painful, they are always awesome. Redshift adds 'defeat Catechism in a deathmatch' to his mental to-do list. Along with 'aqquire more snowcones'. He peers at the guns pointed at Ramjet, and inches away. "I don't know him, honest. But I'd be thrilled if someone told me what was going on." Monstereo nods to helpful guard. "Never seen the likes of him before. Are there lots on this world? There's lots of nifty wildlife. The Yeti... those furry spiders underground... and now my new friend Mr Bitey!" He chitters to the creature. "A wizard?" "No." "Air Commander." Ramjet reaches out with his right, placing his plated fingertips against the edge of the laser crossbow to lower it out of the way. His left hand curls into a tightly-packed fist that is delivered, in an instant, to the bridge of the nose of the Nepsan's face. "And pointing a weapon at a -Decepticon- is an egregious offense!" Hours earlier.. "Egregious," sighs Sunstorm. "Egregious?" asks Ramjet. Sunstorm sighs again. He bobs his intake-fringed head in a nod and answers, "Conspicuous or especially, sir. Flagrant. Such as an 'egregious error.'" Like the kind you typically make, considers the orange Decepticon. "How the frak am I supposed to use that in a sentence!?! Sunstorm, you IDIOT!" Ramjet howls, firing a blast from his rifle-cannon at his lackey. The guard pointing his gun at Ramjet looks pale, and then runs back to his superior. "EGREGIOUS?" comes a cry from the huddle, as the guards around Monstereo pull away. "Are you /sure/?" Van Klinkerhoffen mutters, looking at Ramjet. He tugs at his collar, walking towards Monstereo, bowing stiffly, and then looking to Ramjet and bowing. "I uh... I think there has been some misunderstanding. Obviously you didn't steal the crown jewels your egregiousness..." He starts to move backwards, bowing all the time Monstereo smiles. "Okay then. Thanks for introducing me to Mr Bitey. What do you feed him anyway?" "Orphans" comes the simple reply Ramjet says, "hahahaha." Catechism says, ">_>" Foxfire says, "Oh my..." Monstereo frowns. "Well that's no good... you'd miss out on so many nutritious goodness with orphans. They're poorly fed to begin with." He tsks at the abuse Mr Bitey suffers from malnourishment. Foxfire says, "Just as long as you don't feed him foxes. :(" As the rest of the guards run away from the egregiousness, the remaining guard shrugs to Monstereo. "No, Fox Orphans are full of delicious vitamins." Then he too holds onto his hat and runs for his life Foxfire says, "...D'oh." As the guard flees from Ramjet and the word of the day is echoed by his superior, it never once occurs to the Air Commander that he ought to treat Sunstorm better. Screw that noise. You treat a Decepticon decently, he'll think he's god. Monstereo chitters to the antlion and the beast obediently chews the restraints from Monstereo. The Junkion rises and searches his pocket for his bag of goodies. He rummages and then shrugs, dumping it all out on the toboggen in front of him. Treats for every type of animal seem to pile up. Catechism guesses that Hell is going to stay in its box for now, and she mutters, "How anti-climactic." Some distance away, Moonracer was sitting around a campfire with some Yeti, for the Yeti are much more civilised that most of the Nepsans would have you believe. She nibbles on the roasted penguin 'leg' which consists of an entire penguin side minus the head. "You know have you guys ever heard of Energon Sauce? You can put it on before you put it on the barbecue, keeps the moistness in, adds flavour?" She sighs and shakes her head at the Yeti's which silently regaurd her. "I didn't think so." She looks at the silent Yetis for some time until one steps forewards and makes crazy gesticulations. "There is a music making machine named Timmy-stereo with treats and a tobaggan? And he fell in the well?" Moonracer stands immediately, overcome with concern. "I guess we'd better go help him!" Many Hours Later Moonracer shows up at the foot of the taboggan where Mr. Bitey and Monstereo are, having stealthed in with the Yeti which is also there. "Hi." She says to Mr. Bitey offering him a side of roast penguin that had been wrapped in LandWhale blubber to keep it warm. "You look like you might want this." She then looks around at Monstereo and their surroundings. "Um... Whaddaya say we blow this popsicle stand, huh?" Ramjet rubs the side of his cone. "You're right. It was. Hnh. So.. BACN?" Monstereo gives a thumbs up cause everybody seems to have run away. "That might not be such a bad idea." Catechism looks left. She looks right. The Seeker decides to skeedaddle for the air race and pretend that this never happened. Message: 9/69 Update on Crown Jewels theft! Posted Fri Aug 15 Author Monstereo *ICly Galactic News* The Galactic News logo flashes up on the screen and an alien newsreader pops up, all ten of his tentacled limbs clutching his notes. "Earlier today it was reported that the Crown Jewels of the planet Nepsa had been stolen. It is still suspected they were stolen by /terrorists/. This afternoon a lone Auto-Junk by the name of Monster-stereo was apprehended at the scene of the crime hours after the theft was reported. He was taken to trial but proven innocent by association with a suspected wizard 'EGREGIOUS'... Oh well that makes sense. It is also reported that the accused trial by ant-lion up until this revelation was most unusual. Our traditional and noble orphan devouring beast seemed to take a liking to the defendent. What this means, no one knows. If he was innocent, the ant-lion was expected to eat the accused. But since his association with Egregious was established, his innocence was proven undeniable. No new suspects have been taken into custody." "And now, in other news, Nepsa's Yeti population has been drastically culled thanks to the performance of competetors in the Galactic Olympic Air Race..."